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    October 06

    translation of an old poetry: the rearward glance

    The uneven sentimental of adolescence,
    as the spring leaf
    with tender sawtooth;
    Will you please,
    let poetries take place of numbers
    to reckon our anamnesis?
     
    When sunset bestows
    the rearward glance
    with golden sight;
    melting in my eyes
    is the effusion
    of your youth.

    Comments (6)

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    Derekwrote:
    改成reflux也很好啊,虽然都是“带方向性的流逝”,不过因为有了一个re,感觉就深沉一些了呢~哈哈,这只是我很肤浅的感觉,不过写诗的确是需要“炼字”的,反复推敲的过程就是追求艺术极致的过程。我的专业似乎天生要跟文学绝缘,但为了保存那点“心灵原始的敏感和柔软”,我是不会放弃抒写心情的。
    Oct. 17
    xin zengwrote:
    谢谢姐姐~~平时觉得还够用,一动笔才知道自己英文真的很差:、( 我来伯恩茅斯之前,听说这个城市到处都是诗人和艺术家,所以特别向往;来了之后一个都没遇到:P 但是我觉得这个城市依然让我又很深的依恋,宁静,内敛,和谐,好像它就是诗——而且是没有沉重的美,童谣般的:)
    姐姐说的这些,也是我未来的“命运”吧……呵呵,好充实,虽然不那么风花雪月:P 在英国,长长的书单像是走不到头的路;因为英文不够,写诗速度比中文慢很多,有时正事还没有做,写诗又占时间……但是有它的陪伴,远离故乡的日子,有种莫名的安慰;至少我已经知道,只要心灵保持原始的敏感和柔软,无论在哪里,灵感和温暖都是源源不断的:)
    Oct. 17
    川燕 朱wrote:
    妹妹的英文很好呢。N多年前,在妹妹这个年纪,我的枕边有本《英诗100首》,每晚都会在音乐声中读上一两首再睡去。后来,脑子里乱其八糟地填塞了新闻,统计,调查方法,市场研究,社会分层,价值观教育等等,对诗歌的喜好已经跟叶公好龙差不多了。去年在爱丁堡的旧书店买了一本Waterstone书店出版的英诗导购,看到一连串亲切的名字,可是到现在也没能买一本来读。希望论文写完后可以重新拾回旧爱。
    Oct. 8
    xin zengwrote:
    在国外,料理生活和聊天还不觉得,一动笔才感到自己的英文真的很差……:P
    Oct. 7
    xin zengwrote:
    居士一如既往兼具学识和理解地看我的诗~有时觉得博客不过是自言自语,突然感到千里之外的朋友还会认真地体会,很感动:)
    你知道,我不是做学问的人,翻译只是好玩,没有多想:P 原来的中文诗是写给我老师的,不知为什么译成英文觉得不通顺,就把中间那段删掉了——所以有点不统一;而且风格一下就变了:)幸亏你提醒我,effusion我是当“流泻”用的,流泻在中文里有消褪的意味;但这个词其实没有这个意思,完全反了。后来我小改了一下,你看有没有好一点点:When sunset bestows
    the rearward glance
    with golden sight;
    melting my eyes
    is the reflux
    of your youth.
    Oct. 7
    Derekwrote:
    “青涩的参差/是心型的绿叶边/绒软的锯齿/在计算回忆时/请允许诗行代替数字”——是这一段吧?这第一段翻译得相当不错,The uneven sentimental of adolescence先声夺人,把本来是形容词的“青涩”和“参差”都名词化了,突破了中西文化的壁垒,不过这也说明英语诗歌多少还受语法所限,没有咱们中国诗歌那么宽广的想象空间。这第二段看来是把原作的后两段合二为一了,特别是最后一句,可以直译为“融在我眼里的是你青春的奔放”,全篇主人公似乎是“我”,为何这里变成了“你”?太多的理论我就不懂了,看来你对英语文学也颇有研究,我只有无限崇敬~
    Oct. 6

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